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Monster-in-Law (2005)
IMDB rating: 5.20
Plot: After years of looking for Mr. Right, Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Cantilini finally finds the man of her dreams, Kevin Fields, only to discover that his mother, Viola, is the woman of her nightmares. A recently fired news anchor who is afraid she will lose her son the way she has just lost her career, Viola determines to scare off her son’s new fiance by becoming the world’s worst mother-in-law. While Viola’s long-time assistant Ruby does her best to help Viola execute her crazy schemes, Charlie decides to fight back and the gloves come off as the two women battle it out to see just who is the alpha-female.
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Directors: Luketic Robert
Actors: Vartan Michael,Scott Adam,Arnett Will,Dunham Stephen,Moses Mark,Nickel Wayne,Romance,Comedy,
Dealing with monster-in-law?
As the holidays are approaching, I’m experiencing more and more anxiety about dealing with my in-laws, particularly my mother-in-law.
Since I began dating my husband (we’ve been married for almost 3 years), I’ve listened to every form of back-biting and bad-mouthing about almost every member of the family. At first, I tried to ignore it, because it wasn’t any of my business. I should have spoken up from the very beginning, but I didn’t. All I have done is try to be nice and even out all the cruel behind-your-back comments by responding with kind or praising comments of whoever is under fire.
But now it’s my turn. I am hearing from all kinds of sources (this is a VERY gossipy family), that I am the new target, and my mother-in-law (and various other family members) have all sorts of nasty things to say about me. When I try to talk to her about it, she changes the subject or says that whatever I heard didn’t happen "the way I heard it happened."
Well, I’ve seen her use that tactic before, to people who I’ve SEEN her talking badly about. So I know it’s a lie.
These are the most passive-aggressive people that I have ever had to deal with, and I am at my breaking point. I told my husband that if I hear one more thing about "somebody having a problem about somebody else and not telling them about it to their face", then I am done with his family.
The problem is, my mother-in-law is a real queen bee. She hosts brunches and dinners at her home at least once a week, and she EXPECTS everyone to come. If I suddenly stopped going to her get-togethers – and bringing my son – it would cause some major problems.
How do I deal with this situation before I explode? All I want is an apology, but it seems pretty rude to ask somebody for an apology.
P.S. There are a host of other personal problems with this family, but this is the main one. I have always been polite, friendly, and warm to my mother-in-law, so I can’t understand her constant bad-mouthing of me and everyone else.
Wow. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. How does your husband feel? Easier said than done but if I were in your shoes I would stop going. Why? Because not only is it bad for me (and my sanity) it’s toxic for my kids. I would not want to expose my kids (and your husband should be in on this as well) to this kind of atmosphere. Even if they don’t say anything to you in front of the kids, the children can sense these things. Also, your mood will change and will eventually trickle down to your treatment of your husband and your kids.
You are the "queen bee" of your family and your priority should be your family’s well-being as a whole. And that means taking care of everybody’s emotional being along with physical, etc….If you still can’t bring yourself to stop going, maybe go for a couple of hours then leave or come towards the end of the get together. How about establishing your own family traditions on Sundays? Going out as a family to a park, church, picnic, museums, etc….Mother-in-law will not like it and she may never realize that this is causing tension in you (and hence your family) but she’s older and I doubt she will change. So for your kid’s sake and your family’s sake, think about it and talk with your husband.
They will never change and will always have someone to talk about. For now, you are it. Eventually it will be someone else, then it will come back to you again. If anyone ever talks to you about somebody else, just excuse yourself. Don’t even feed into it. By the way, for your sake I hope I’m wrong but you will never get an apology from her/them. So don’t even hold your breath for that. And even if she does, you know it’ll happen again or she won’t even mean it. Meanwhile, take stock of your life, your immediate family, and remember that you are in control of your son’s atmosphere (for now). Good luck.
Jane_S | Oct 18, 2009
YOU are the queen bee in your world. You don’t have to participate in anything you don’t want to. Ignore the talk and don’t ask about it to anyone. Forget the apology…it means nothing. You have a husband, child and household to take care of. Forget the outside stuff.
Jordan M | Oct 18, 2009
you will not change them, that is the way they are, just be yourself. They obviously don’t have a whole lot of life on their own if they have time for this crap. Just be civil, graceful, and laugh. They are pathetic. they are not worth confronting or getting into it with them on any level – they are already pretty close to the bottom.
Rebecca | Oct 18, 2009
Ignore her……when she starts in, walk away…….or just smile and say nothing. Be the bigger person and don’t gossip about anyone. But a word of advice..don’t say anything bad to your husband about his mother…….
Veritas | Oct 18, 2009
That’s how she is. The problem is with your expectations. Expect her to be as she is; you won’t be disappointed. You aren’t going to get an apology. You aren’t going to change any of them. Stop letting them get to you. What difference does it make if they’re talking about you?
ouragon | Oct 18, 2009
You said it yourself, this is a very gossipy family. The only thing you CAN do is to ignore the gossip whether it is about you or anyone else. When the gossiping starts either remove yourself or let it go in one ear and out the other and don’t make any comments.
CoeyG | Oct 18, 2009
Your husband’s family has some issues. They compensate for their own short-comings by undermining each other. That’s sad. All you can do is stay out of it. When you overhear them cutting one another up, leave the room. Go for a walk, go talk to your husband, or go seek out the person they’re gossiping about, and have a nice chat with them.
Realize that these behaviour patterns are entrenched, and you’re not going to change them on your own. You’re doing the right part by not participating in the gossip.
lola | Oct 18, 2009
Ahh, the holidays bring on the in law problems. Who goes where and how is it treated. She is from a gossipy family, so just ride it out. Mother in laws ( which I am one) do sometimes say things about their daughter in laws. She may even love you, she is just a gossip and will never change. Accept her as she is. Don’t expect an apology, that will only cause more issues. I see no reason you HAVE to go to every brunch, you must have something else to do with your son, perhaps a mommy and me class. Use your imagination
Annie | Oct 18, 2009
First of all, you need to have a series of loving conversations with your husband to bring him on board.
Once you have hubby’s buy-in, then shoot a warning shot over the bow. Call your MIL (private conversation) and tell her very sweetly that you hear that you are the subject of malicious gossip and that she is one of the primary participants. Tell her that you expect this to stop immediately and she needs to stop talking about yours (and hubby’s) business. If it does not stop, you will stop coming over for the weekly luncheons and that hubby will not bring baby over either. It is her choice.
BTW, don’t allow her to speak or justify herself. Just tell her this is what you heard and that you are not interested in hearing her explanation…simply that you expect this behavior to stop. Be strong! And if she continues to bad-mouth you, well, then she just lost access to the baby. Once she realizes your strength, she will respect you and you will be off limits. But she may have to have her go a period without seeing the baby and not having you at her soirees to comprehend your strength and resolve. The major problems are hers; not yours. She manipulates you into thinking that it is your problem, but really it is her problem if people start boycotting her events.
BTW…you participate in gossip too. You wouldn’t know that MIL were talking about you if you didn’t provide an audience to whoever it is who "oh so helpfully" is telling you what MIL is saying. What did this knowledge get you other than increase your stress level, make you want to explode, etc. You did not gain anything from this knowledge.
Tricia G | Oct 18, 2009
The idea that the average mother-in-law often considers her son-in-law to be unsuitable for her daughter (or daughter-in-law unsuitable for her son), go back to Roman times: the writer Juvenal says that you can’t be happy while the mother-in-law is still alive. Usually it states that mothers-in-law are generally overbearing, obnoxious, or unattractive.
So do not be surprised problem with mothers in law are as old as human history. Try to ignore her
bibus75 | Oct 18, 2009
you have married your husband’s gossipy family….i’m sorry.
look, talk to your husband that you don’t deserve this crap. is he supportive of you? you mother-in-law sounds controlling.
maybe, you stay home and your husband and son go to the weekly dinner thing. maybe you would go once a month instead of everyweek?
maybe look for books on how to cope with dreaded mother in-laws. there are some books out there that may teach you how to say things back (assertively) so you feel a little better of standing up for yourself with nonsense craps.
WonderWoman | Oct 18, 2009
I just want to let you know that I am going through the same thing as you right now, so I know exactly how you feel.
My husband and I no longer talk to his mother because of the bull she tried to pull with the both of us. My husband’s mother has done every little stunt that your mother in law is pulling, plus a lot more. My husbands mother not only bad mouths me, but tries to break us up.
Not only that but she talks about my husband behind his back as well as me, the worst thing of it is when I use to talk to her she use to say a lot of bad things about my husband and then deny it to my husband that she never said anything when she did.
My husband’s mother thinks she is going to come to our house for christmas but I got news for her, if she tries to come to our house for christmas she is going to regret coming.
I don’t want her no where’s around us or our house not only that but we will be going to my step mothers house where we will be both welcomed.
Anyway back to you if I was you I wouldn’t bother with her and stand up for your self, you don’t deserve to be treated that way by anybody. I do have one question for you though and the question is: What does your husband think about all of this? What does he do about it when his mother treats you like this?
Not only that but it is not good for your child/children to see you get put through this and not only that but what is your husband’s mother teaching her grandchild or grand children it is alright to treat people with disrespect?
She needs to grow up and start acting her age instead of being immature,
there is no need for adults to act the way they do. That is how children act not adults, anyway like I said if that was me I wouldn’t bother with her anymore and I would tell your husband that you are not going to put up with it anymore. Don’t let her keep doing this to you, because if you do she will keep on doing it.
Well good luck to you and don’t forget stand up for yourself and you don’t deserve that treatment. If you still talk to her tell her how you feel and if she doesn’t listen, tell her off don’t let her get away with it.
I am the same as you I have always been polite, friendly, and warm to my mother in law and I get treated the same way as you do. Not only that but I get the same treatment from the rest of the family as well as my husband’s mother.
There is nothing you can do and you can’t change a person they have to change on their own, but by the sounds of it she will never change. The only way people will change them selves is if they truly want to change, but if they don’t want to change then they won’t and they will stay miserable for the rest of their lives and try to make everybody else around them miserable with them.
Anyway good luck!
Debbie | Oct 18, 2009
